Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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