She said her name was "party"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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