You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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