More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize