My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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