4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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