I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you had me at cake vodka
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
