i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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