My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
