some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
