i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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