i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
