he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
