Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
