Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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