The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
40s are totally the cure
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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