never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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