i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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