Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You took a bar mat shot.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
