it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
