Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
