i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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