i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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