you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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