Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
