today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
