Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
