I could make wine with my vomit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
