We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize