Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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