it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
