After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
