Your face is a jimmy john
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
