i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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