Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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