I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
