Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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