dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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