so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
