well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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