so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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