Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
