Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
