End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
