So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
