Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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