i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
