eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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