I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
