Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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