i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
