Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone shit on the floor
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize