This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
