she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
