you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
