Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
