I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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