i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
