And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
