oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
