he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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