hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
