I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
