Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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