Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
