Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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