I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
