His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
