I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
