I like my sex mixed with concussions.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
