wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize