the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
