So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
