Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
