Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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