i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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