You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
