"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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