I don't think brook has ever known best
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
