He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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