batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
