You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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