I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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