I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
