We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
