you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
