I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
