Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
