Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
