I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
