I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
