I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
