I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
