you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize