I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
