Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
