Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
