I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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