We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
