i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
