Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
