yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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