You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
