I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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