Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
