I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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