I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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