He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
