i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
