i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
