she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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