She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
