Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize