I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
