we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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