How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
