Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
