She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
