I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
