Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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