my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
