he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
