Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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