she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
