remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
