I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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