he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
